Last week I was approached by a fellow reader (not a professional, but a devoted cartomancer) with a question. She said that when she read for other people, she felt her intuition was spot on. No question too big, no spread of cards too small. But when she read for herself, about other people, she found the cards gave her muddled, confusing and sometimes contradictory messages.
You can imagine me cocking my head to the side. Reading for yourself, about other people, eh?
I’ll give you three guesses as to the nature of these readings. You don’t need three though, do you. Of course, she was reading about a love interest.
It’s so tempting to go to the cards when you’re crushing on someone. What does he think of me? I get this question all the time. And if only we knew, really knew what other people were thinking of us. Open up their heads and poke around in their mind a bit. Divination would revolutionize dating. No more second guessing. No more awkward friend-zone-or-more conversations. Or sitting up all night clinging to the hope of a drunken sext.
The issue really breaks down into two parts. Ethics and Practicality.
In terms of ethics, how much into someone else’s future is it permissible for us to peek? Is it ethical to ask what someone else is thinking?
I’m in the camp that we don’t exist in a vacuum, and the Tarot specifically, is set up to acknowledge our relationships with others (Lenormand too, for the record, and perhaps to a larger extent). I think it’s unavoidable to read about our relationships when we’re reading about ourselves—as other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions affect us every day in every way. But do I want someone opening up my head and poking around in my mind? Hells to the no. It’s really uncool.
On the practical side of things, is it useful to ask what someone else is thinking about you? Or are there better questions?
I try to guide my clients in asking the best possible question for whatever conundrum they find themselves in. And sometimes just knowing the question is enough of an answer. To this end, I often counter their questions with:
Why do you need to know?
If you knew, how would that change the course you’re on?
If you knew what your lover was feeling, would it change the way you feel? The answer to that is usually no. So some more useful questions might look like:
- Why do I feel anxiety about his feelings?
- How do I channel my insecurities about this relationship?
- How should I communicate the doubts I have to my lover?
- How should I initiate a love-relationship with this person?
- What should I be aware of when interacting with my love interest?
Can you ask the Tarot what someone else is thinking? Absolutely you can. Should you? That’s questionable. Is it the best course of action for a healthy relationship that’s based on mutual trust? Probably not.
Love is patient, love is kind, sure. But sometimes love is messy and makes you feel like you’re going to hurl. Not knowing is part of the fun of uncovering a new relationship.The best use of the tarot in these situations is to help you understand these feelings and give you direction on how to work with and through them.